Is it because it’s the sequel to the original BOMC?

Is it a club for 2 books a month?

Your guess is as good as mine. I went on their website to try to figure it out and left with no answers.

Here’s some advice: Don’t shorten your name to be cutesy if no one knows why its cute.

Ok, so I got this nifty email from “My Neighborhood Jiffy Lube” today. See below:

From: “Your Neighborhood Jiffy Lube”
Love that they are taking their brand local but would it have been that difficult to dynamically populate the town name? The reason being, my “neighborhood Jiffy Lube” isn’t in my neighborhood. I actually drive out of my way to go to the one in Durham, NC. Another problem: in the “From” field, it cuts off some important characters. Namely “Jiffy Lube” which means it looked like I got an email from “Your neighbo”

Subject Line: A reminder from Jiffy Lube to redeem your 50% off reward
When I sit back and think (if I really concentrate I can pinch out a few drops of thinking power these days) I get confused because I don’t remember getting an offer to begin with. But I think this subject line works. I am a customer, I know I am satisfied with their service, and of course I would like a special offer.

Headline: It’s time for your Jiffy Lube Signature Service® Oil Change
I’ve apparently earned a 50% off Signature Service ® Oil Change! And that is convenient because it’s time for me to get an oil change anyway!

So psyched with the specific offer expiration, personalization, and location specific information. Personally, it could have been looked better but it does the job.

The big disconnect comes in the coupon. And it’s a shame too because up to this point I was ready to go get lubed up! The dotted line device and scannable barcode makes it absolutely apparent it can be printed, cut out, and brought to the branch. But look at the offer itself! “$5 Off Tire Rotation Service”

Wait a minute. I thought we were talking about an oil change! This leads me to a ton of different viable explanations and the fact that there are so many makes this email a huge FAIL.

• Scenario 1: The coupon is a separate offer from the Signature Service Oil Change. But if thats the case, how can I redeem my 50% off my oil change?
• Scenario 2: The coupon is the 50% offer. Tire rotation is typically $10 and the fact that I need an oil change is unrelated.
• Scenario 3: This is a mistake and my coupon should have said 50% off an oil change. This means i’m SOL.
• Scenario 4: This coupon is good for both the oil change and the upsell message of tire rotation. What a horrible way to show me I’ve “Earned it”

Here’s how Jiffy Lube can make this email better
• Change the sender field to in my case, “Your Durham Jiffy Lube”
• Make the coupon match the headline offer

I really wish Jiffy Lube would tell me which scenario is correct. I need an oil change!

It’s proximity to the second paragraph translates to: “American Express Gift cards are a great way to let your administrative assistant upgrade their keyboard and splurge on a brand new plastic mechanical pencil.”

LOL

Well, that’s how CVS made me felt today with their ExtraCare email. Let’s take a look below:

“Gregory, we heard you (and a few thousand others)!
Boy is that line confusing. What did you hear? I didn’t tell you anything. Was I in the forest and a tree fell on my CVS ExtraCare card?

I am assuming this email is telling me that CVS sent out some sort of poll in the past and people responded to the poll. The problem is I wasn’t one of those people and I have no cue what you are talking about.

The painful reality is most people who are in the same boat as me probably will click anyway. Like a crying kid who turns off the fireworks once there’s a balloon in his hand. “What’s happening here, I’m confused, ooooh a free gift! Click.” BTW, the free gift is a $1.99 value.

I think that CVS is doing a good job making an effort to listen to their email subscribers. They apparently “heard me” along with “a few thousand others”. And as shown below the main image, they want to “keep the feedback coming”. Can you hear me now?

But for someone like me that actually would like to see what we were voting for in the first place, I am disappointed I can’t get back to the questions.

Here’s how CVS can make this email better
• Segment your list! It would have been great to have received a different email than the few thousand of responders. Perhaps one that acknowledges I may have missed the original poll but I still have a chance to let my voice be heard!
• If you can’t segment (we should talk BTW) put a line under the line where you tell me you heard me that says, Your ideas can still be heard! Click here to help us make our emails to you better!

One of the things I am very guilty of with emails from brands I trust is skipping right over the subject line. In this case I dove right into the email and was hit with a huge picture of fish at an aquarium and a headline that says, “2 GB FREE!”

Normally I don’t advocate huge images dominating the top of the fold but with a company like Nikon it makes sense. They are after all, all about imagery. But what confused me about this email was I had no context of why I should care about getting 2 GB Free.

The payoff to the headline didn’t clear it up any better: “Bring Your Circle Closer”. I am not a fan of campaign-like vague payoff lines. Tell me in plain english what I’m getting out of this service. “Bring your circle closer” tells me absolutely nothing. Are we a wolfpack or something?

Now I know what you are saying to yourself, “Read the subject line you dummy”. The subject line reads: “Spring is here! Share and Store your pictures for FREE with Nikon’s my Picturetown”

Except if I read the subject line I would have only seen “Spring is here! Share and Store your…” Had I spent the time to read the subject line I think I would have gotten the vague idea that my Picturetown is an online photo bank for my pictures. Instead I was left wondering if I was going to get a 2 GB memory card for referring a friend to Nikon.

It is not until the bottom of the email do I see any sort of value proposition. “Share your pictures with Nikon’s my Picturetown” would have been great next to the button of “Learn More”.

Finally, the biggest FAIL of this email was the final call to action. It simply lists the URL, “http://mypicturetown.com”.

What a huge, huge opportunity wasted.

By adding this URL this way it encourages me to key it into my browser. Why not use a personalized URL instead that way you can track me whether I click or not? Oh, that’s right, you can’t use a personalized URL because its set in an image! Grrrr.

Here’s how Nikon can make this email better:
• Cut out the “Spring is here” portion of the subject line moving up the Share and Store your pictures FREE”
• Move the benefit statements up near the headline and button.
• Use a personalized URL in the call to action or at least make the URL look clickable to track engagement.

I love movies and I love the glitz and glamour of the Academy Awards. So I was pleasantly surprised when I saw this email waiting for me this morning.

Now this is strange territory for me here on this website. Typically I have a ton of items that are just begging to be vomited on.

But not this one. In fact, I would be as bold as to say this is pretty flawless. Here are the reasons why People Magazine will probably get a huge click through rate on this one.

Let’s start with the subject line: “First Look at Oscar’s Best Dresses and More!”
I love the sense of timeliness and exclusivity. You are getting a chance to see it first! Very effective.

Headline: FIRST LOOK ACADEMY AWARDS: See Oscar night’s best dresses and hottest parties!
If you are like me and live in the east coast, the Oscar parties happen well after your head hits the pillow. Seeing pictures of this event first thing the next morning is definitely worth the 5 minute diversion before your morning trip tot he water cooler gossip ring.

Imagery: Sandra Bullock (Full body and close ups)
Sandra Bullock is one of those women that is likeable by both men and women. And by winning her Oscar last night in a dress most people found amazing with an acceptance speech most people found amazing for a movie that most people found amazing means that she was a shoo-in for the main imagery of this email. Could you see James Cameron on there…err..wait…that’s right: that pompous ass didn’t win much of anything last night.

The closeup imagery of her accessories only adds to the in-depth nature of People’s photo feature.

Call to Action: View Photos Now!
This button looks classy and the call to action feels painless. You click that button thinking, “yes! I’m going to see some dresses on the first page!” The fact is you do. And you love it.

Exclusivity Message: Only on People.com
In other words, don’t go looking for these pictures in other places. Just click right here. Brilliant.

Take a look at this page from Us Weekly.

Celebrity Fantasy League is one of the most brilliant ideas I have ever heard of coming out of a magazine I only seem to read in the doctor’s office waiting room. Basically, you sign up, you choose 25 celebrities, and you score points based on how many times they appear in the magazine.

It’s brilliant for Us Magazine because with your participation, they can get an idea of what types of celebrities their readership is interested in. It’s brilliant because you sign up for  free in exchange for your information (you need to be contacted when you win right?) you get to participate. It’s brilliant brilliant brilliant.

The problem is I bet the majority of people won’t know all of that. It isn’t because they can’t read. It isn’t because they don’t like Kelly Osbourne and understanding how she got thin. It’s because the design of this sign up page does a lousy job in visual hierarchy.

I took the liberty of marking it up with one big red target. This is not because there is only one big issue. It is because I was too lazy to fill in all of the individual items with red targets.

Ok, drive to a local preschool and dress half the class in pink outfits and half the class in blue outfits. Now give them each matching pink and blue megaphones. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, make sure you choose kids that want to speak but can’t form real words yet. Now tell them all to scream at the top of their lungs into the megaphones. That sound you are imagining is how my brain feels after looking at this page.

Now quickly, pick out the one kid out of the screaming class who is screaming “login”. Yup, that’s what’s wrong with this page.

Brilliant idea. Brilliant. It will never overcome the popularity of fantasy football, but it could keep people interested.

Here’s what Us Magazine should do to fix this: Despite the overkill of blue and pink and shades of blue and shades of pink, the real issue lies in the placement of the login section. The visual elements creates an eyepath from top to bottom in the main left column. And even though its not the most ideal in explaining how the program works, by the end of it you do not know where to look. By moving the login section out of the sidebar and below the 3 steps, I think a lift in response can be achieved.

This website is a way for attendees of SXSWi to join the community and share their social activity with other attendees. Seems like a great way to network, discover new people, and fuel the overwhelming desire to overshare with other people like me.

So I clicked through from the email and landed on this landing page:

Straightforward layout that gives you immediate information on what it is you are signing up for. I clicked the “Sign up instantly with Twitter” button, granted access to the application and was ready to get on with my Austin Real Time experience.

Then I was taken to this profile page and was hit with a real time event of fear and anxiety.

You see, this profile page is riddled with all sorts of types of FAIL. When it comes down to it, it’s not about the information they are asking for that caused a little bit of sweat under the collar. It’s about how it was presented and asked for. Let’s go into some detail here with each one:

Account Information
The first question I have is “What account?” I thought this was just an aggregate of my social media content that i gave permission to be published on this site! Is this an account specifically for Mashable’s Austin Real Time? A simple copy change that says “Your Mashable’s Austin Real Time Profile” would have sufficed.

Please fill in any gaps in your profile
Only my city was pre-filled and the rest of the fields are listed as mandatories. Are there more bits of info about me that are in my profile that you haven’t shown me yet?

Where are you traveling to SXSW from?
Why do you need to know this? What if I don’t want people to know? What they should have done is added a little question mark icon that explained “This will add your profile to other attendees from your city.”

Email Address:*
Hold your horses and Pete Cashmore’s horses! Why do you  want my email address? Isn’t the entire point of signing up through Twitter or Facebook so I don’t have to give you that information? And what will you do with my email address? I don’t want strangers to know my email address. And where does that red Asterisk point to? Oh, you won’t share it with anyone? You’re only going to use it to communicate with me? Then tell me that.

Password:*
This is the step that almost caused me to abandon this page. WHAT PASSWORD?!!!!!!AND WHY DO YOU NEED IT??!!!! AND WHAT IS THAT RED ASTERISK POINTING TO?!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!! This makes me as upset as this woman:

At first I thought it was asking for my email password. No F’N way I’m giving you my email password. See how, lack of clarity can push your mind to question innocent things like Mashable’s Austin Real Time wants me to create a password for my profile? Here’s a suggestion: change the words to read “Create a Password”. Oh, and tell me what that red asterisk is for!

Send a tweet to your Twitter followers.
I would love to see the conversion numbers on this checkbox. It is so unclear as to what this means I am confident if I find out, I will find Amelia Earhardt reading the series finale script of LOST.

If I click this button will it automatically send out a tweet? And what will it say? No way I’m clicking that button.

Here’s what Mashable’s Austin Real Time website should have done.

Let’s frame the situation before you take a look at the email in question. I have been a happy customer of Lux Bond & Green for many many years and have spent in excess of $10,000 with them in that time. I cite that number not to comment on their pricing or my weakness in buying stuff for my wife but rather to illustrate I am not a one item customer with this company.

Periodically I receive emails from them (and printed catalogs in the mail) and despite me moving away from the Boston area and the 0% chance I would ever purchase jewelry online, I still remain subscribed to their marketing communications because I like them.

Now look at this email I received from them today:

Now, here is my markup:

To be fair, there isn’t all badness all up on this email:
• The logo is prominently displayed which works well for the type of relationship I have with them.
• The value proposition is also clear. “Yay! I can win a trip to Greece!”
• The Imagery shows me what I can win! “Check out that heart necklace! And that bright blue water!

Now, here’s where it goes horribly wrong.
“Engagement story? Nope. I’m married (11 years BTW) so I guess I don’t qualify, Delete.”

The truth of the matter is this contest is for people who have already proposed not those who are looking to propose. Horrible contest name and horrible DeBeers knockoff silhoette graphic. It’s misleading and cheap. Who do I blame? Well, the answer to that question brings me to the next major issue…

Check out the button. The logo on top says Lux Bond & Green. The Sender is Lux Bond & Green. So who the hell is JIC? Apparently JIC stands for Jewelry Information Center which Lux Bond & Green is (I guess) a member of. Bad! Bad! Bad!

Here’s what Lux Bond & Green needs to do to fix this: A simple message stating this contest is in association with Lux Bond & Green would suffice. Receiving an email from someone and then seeing another name when clicked through creates anxiety and a nervous twitch in the “This is SPAM finger”.

I know that they can’t control how tacky this promo image and email is from JIC, but they can at least tell me, a loyal customer that this is something they endorse. Instead, this horrible design is pissing all over the image I have of this great jeweler.

You keep on doing that Lux Bond & Green and you are going to get some unsubscribes.

Now for some outro entertainment…